"Yes, you may use languages other than Java. But NO VISUAL BASIC! We are here to make sure you eat BROCCOLI!"
-Prof Dong-Guk Shin, CSE 269 (Software Engineering Lab)

"Think of Marty chasing tail."
Professor Laubach, trying to explain his attraction to a Hindu cult in the 1970s

"Sex is dirty and disgusting, so you save it for someone you love."
Prof. Barreca, waxing poetic on Paul and Miriam in Sons and Lovers

Our uniforms don't fade here like they do in Vietnam, where we practice under the hot Saigon sun... Unless we practice outside, in which case they still won't fade.
-- Chris, the instructor for Vovinam, commenting on the club's uniforms.

"4 out of 5 doctors recommend Preparation H over Clearasil"
-Professor Miller, PSYC 132, about how statistics can be misleading

"The Yankee fans in the class will now have to write and extra 30 page paper, and they must write it sitting naked on a pile of broken glass."
John Reynolds, Eng 271W, the day after the Yankees eliminated the Red Sox

(As a cell phone rings in class) "That reminds me, turn your God damn cell phones off . . . unless you are a drug dealer and need it for your business."
Professor Sanders, Soci 219: Drugs and Society

"I'm going to start giving extra credit to the people that say this shit in class. I can't believe you knew that!" - to a student that answered a question he asked
Seth Kalichman, Psych 243

"Think about it - we have hair on all of our openings because we don't want creatures crawling up into our orifices."
Dr. Harvey Swadlow, Psych 132

"Because you think of monkeys.. you think of sex. They're animals, that's what they do."
Rosa Chinchilla, SPAN 187: Major Works of Spanish Literature in Translation (Explaining the symbollic meaning of the transformation of Dorotea to Micomicona in Don Quixote)